It's raining even though it's not

It's happened again, well it hasn't happened in quite some time, but it was brought on by an incident that stunned me on Tuesday. That's right, television got the better of me. Tonight was the two-hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy, and I've just finished unraveling in the orange dark of my room.

There is no more fuel for my tears and I don't feel like feeding the downpour so I'm dehydrating on purpose. But now they've come back and the screen is blurry and my glasses are speckled but I'm still going to write because I really, I just really need to vent. And I really need a hug.

Season finale of a drama show means just as the genre says, drama in an overdose. Drama means emotion and usually in the case of Grey's it's every level of sadness you could possibly imagine, but this time was the first time in a very long time that I cried because I was happy. There are connections from this show to my life that I really don't like finding but they just appear and wreck me to pieces as easily as you can knock down a tower of cards.

There are things that I don't ever talk about, things that I really need to talk about but feel every level of uncomfortable when it really matters. Like tonight when I should be talking about the explosion of feelings that just appeared out of nowhere, the anguish and the agony that felt like the chance to cross my bridge of tears was tonight. The fact that I am a complete mess on the inside, that I have issues that only a select one know about and I'm just happy that I've got her to lean on when I really need it.

I've got issues out the wazoo, things that I really need to deal with and when something even remotely connected appears suddenly in my life, ie Grey's, I just fall apart at seams I didn't even know that I had.

And now for actual discussion of the episode. The concrete boy was great, the neuro test was predictable and so were Meredith and Derek, though Meredith's mother realization was a great little twist in there. Erica and Callie were also predictable but what made me cry the most, but I really don't need to talk about that because I'll start crying again. Lexi and George were cute together and that kiss I thought would happen too. The only thing that I didn't predict was the Rebecca/Eva, Alex and Izzie thing, that was too emotional and Alex cried and I cried sad tears for him.

So I've gotten over myself now and my best buddy has introduced me to a fabulous new voice to fill the silence of my empty house. Katy Perry. Hopefully the rest of her music is good too.

I listened to KT Tunstall for at least 7 hours today, such a good day at work, even though work was boring as hell. I spent most of the day inputting information into the computer and my back hurt horribly at the end of the day.

And I'm crying again and I'm kind of hyperventilating and I really miss you Kace.

kthxbye.